I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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