"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize