umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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