Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize