Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
