i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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