In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize