good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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