While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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