Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
