it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
