glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
