last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
