At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
