great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
