It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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