The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
