I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
as a side note pls kill me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
