So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
