hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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