he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
