so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
