He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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