I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
