I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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