She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
