We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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