She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
