i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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