still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
