we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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