Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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