I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
