so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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