you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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