Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
