Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
