Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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