think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
