her vagine was all disorganized.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize