fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
