I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
