just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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