im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
