if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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