a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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