You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize