Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
