dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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