You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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