Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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