Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
