Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize