we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
