Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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