cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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