The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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