I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
