He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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