I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
