I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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