I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
