Buhtt sex?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
