The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
