So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
