Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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