almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
