He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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